Date Night FAIL

Writing this on my phone after a 3am feed...

While I was pregnant, everyone kept telling me that Josh and I needed to be sure we got out of house and away from Jacy for a date night as soon as possible. Josh and I had talked about this advice and decided it was a good idea. We know that we need to nurture our relationship as husband and wife and not just co-parents. So when we heard about a movie with free child care being offered at our church we took them up on that. We also decided to so dinner with Jacy before the flick.

During dinner, even though Jacy was there, Josh and I had great conversation. We were laughing and talking about all kinds of things it felt really good to have this time with my very best friend. It was so sweet how we took turns tending to Jacy's needs but never stopped talking or enjoying each other. I remember thinking, if the date is this great with Jacy here, going to the movie and discussion (people from the film were doing q&a after) without Jacy is going to be awesome.

When we got to church we were cutting it close to start time, so we took Jacy to the nursery right away to drop her off. it was fun talking with her and Josh about how she was going to "go party with her new friends" and to print out her first little name tag. There were a ton of people in the nursery dropping off their babies so I felt a little worried. By the time I had walked a few feet I was feeling pretty sick. I kind of started to get teary eyed but Josh put his arm around me and told me she would be fine. From that point on I could not think of anything but Jacy. I could not talk about anything but Jacy. I didn't understand how we could have had such a great dinner where we could enjoy each-others company to the mess we were in. I was sitting there trying to enjoy the movie and my husband. I kept telling myself to knock it off, but I just couldn't.

An hour into the movie I had to go feed Jacy, and to be honest I could not get there quick enough. When I got to her, she was a bucket of tears and was being consoled by a very sweet girl who was just getting ready to call me. I fed Jacy and put her in one of the swings then went back to the movie for the discussion. Again, all I was thinking of was Jacy and what if she was hungry or crying again. At the end of the discussion I could not get to her fast enough. We when we got to the nursery she was the last one in there. She was being rocked by the same sweet girl. At first I was relieved but then I saw her binky in her mouth and the girl told us she was getting very fussy. I knew she was hungry. I was so mad that I didn't just take her back to the movie so I could feed her when she needed it. I just felt so guilty about not being there when she needed me, which made me feel guilty for not enjoying my time with Josh. I started crying as soon as I got back to the car. Jacy started screaming because she was hungry and I felt that I had ruined our date by flipping out.

I worry a lot that I am not giving Josh the love and attention he needs. I worry a lot that our marriage is going to get "all jacked up" because I can't quit caring for Jacy. I worry a lot I guess.

When we got home I feed the kid forever and put her to bed. I still could not stop feeling guilty about ruining date night with all my worry and crying. I decided to go to bed myself. I was reading before bed and the topic of marriage was the very next chapter in the book I am reading. In the beginning it was highlighting the fact that nurturing your marriage and tending to your spouse's needs is very important. I started to feel sick again for being a failure as a wife. But as I continued reading, it began talking about how our culture, especially in some Christian circles, places a lot of value on leaving your kids out of the loving and nurturing of your marriage. And while this can work well for a lot of families to have set times kid free, it is not a one size fits all solution to making time for your spouse. It also talked about how our culture views children as our enemies who are are constantly trying to drive a wedge between us and our spouse. What a sad thought to think that you cannot allow your child to see you talking and growing closer to your spouse.

I felt much more peaceful knowing I was my the only person in the world who felt this way and fell asleep reading before I got to alternative ways to nurture your marriage baby-sitter free. I think I was tired from all the emotions of the night. I always try to think that the good news is that we get a chance to try it again. Man this is tricky.

Preparation

I read a ton of pregnancy, childbirth, and infant care books while I was pregnant. When I say a ton, I mean it. Here is a short list of books I have read. (note - some I just sampled or skimmed)

Husband Coached Childbirth
Birthing From Within
Womanly Art of Breastfeeding
Mayo Clinic Guide to Healthily Pregnancy
What to Expect When Your Expecting
The Birthing Book
Childbirth Without Fear
The Fussy Baby Book
Childbirth the Bradley Way
Babywise
The Attachment Parenting Book
The No Cry Sleep Solution
The No Cry Nap Solution
Eat, Sleep, Poop
Spirit- Led Parenting
The Baby Book
The Thinking Women's Guide To Childbirth
The Happiest Baby on the Block

I am sure there are some I missed. I basically looked at any book I could get my hands on. It was kind of weird to be constantly loosing myself in baby centered literature but I am so glad I did. Not because I learned a ton about birth, infant care, or child rearing. But because I realized a ton about myself and my creator.

I don't not want to mess this up. I take parenting so seriously it could make me crazy. Besides my marriage, I cannot think of another thing I care more deeply about. I think being a parent is the most important job I will ever have. I cannot dream of a better or more effective way to share the gospel or affect the world. It is really mind-blowing.

With that being said, I will mess this up. No matter how hard I try or how much guidance I receive, I will fail as a parent at some point. I came to realize this by reading the list of books above they would all say things like "Don't worry if you... Its not to late... You can try again" I remember thinking "TRY AGAIN! - there is no TRY!!!" Infact, it is the only common thread that all the books above have in common. And if the only things these books have on common is consoling patents once something is not going well, it must be unavoidable. Which makes sense, I am an imperfect being so my parenting skills will also be flawed. It was a hard pill to swallow for me.

For those of you who know me well, you know I tend to be a pretty passionate person in general but never in my life have I felt the kind of desire to invest in anything the way I want to invest in Josh and Jacy. I want to work hard to be Godly, fun, wise, helpful, loving, and supportive wife and mother.

I am so glad I am not doing this alone. I have a wonderful God who will help me parent Jacy and be a living supportive wife.

GO BABY GO

long time, no post.... 

I have been wanting to update for a LONG time.  We have just been so busy and I feel that I have to get some other things done before I allow myself time for writing for my blog.

Jacy is now 8 weeks old.  She is awesome.  She is the best baby ever. In fact, sometimes she is a little too good.  She sleeps all night and it stresses me out. I set an alarm to get up with her but at 3am I have started to turn off the alarm without really waking up.  I should just quit worrying so much about her food intake.  She currently weighs 13.5 pounds.  She is super cute and happy all the time. I should just be thankful.

I love them

We have also gone out of town the past two weekends.  That means that I spend 2 days preparing to leave the house, we are gone for the weekend, and then I spend 2 days recovering from the trip. That means in the past two weeks we have had 1 day a week where we can relax and follow our typical routine. This has made for a busy and slightly insane mama.

We had a great time in St.Louis and Kansas City.  The past two weeks had lots of firsts for Jacy.

• She went to a Mexican restaurant - with no pants on. PARTAAAAY
• She went to Grandma and Grandpa Rowbottom's house.
• She met Deo and Grandpa James. She also met Aunt Kari and Uncle Dave.  Along with a bunch of cousins and friends. 
• She was very spoiled by her aunts.  She was held the ENTIRE weekend and I only changed her diaper in the middle of the night.  Her aunts REALLY love her. 
• She went to her first Royals game.  It was awesome.  She was such a good girl.  
• She saw fireworks for the first time.  It was a BIG HIT!!!  She was very wide eyed and didn't even jump.  She seemed to really love it.  We have already had some talks about how fire is not safe.
• She met a bunch of Josh's family members.  They threw her a welcome to the family party. It was very sweet.  She now has more clothes than we know what to do with!
• I am sure there are more but I can't think right now. 

She is a very loved little girl.

We are also preparing for a trip to Tennessee to see one of our good friends get married.  This will be an great time and we are excited to go. A 10 hour car ride with a 2 month old might be tricky.  I am planning on updating everyone after this experience. I am glad that we have done a few smaller trips before attempting a big one.  I have learned a lot about traveling with our new, larger family. Now I need a nap!!!

These guys get no love anymore. Poor pugs...

The 4th Trimester

My good friend Amy was talking about the first 3 months with a baby is like your 4th trimester of pregnancy.  I Googled this term last night about about 3:30 am because I wondered if other people had this idea too.  Come to find out I had already read the book this idea came from.  I forgot everything when I was pregnant.  I also think I was just worried about the practical application.

The idea is this - A guy named Harvey Karp came up with the term to explain the baby's transition from womb to life.  It is 3 months long (approximately) and there are things you can do to help your baby's last trimester go smoothly.  They are the 5 S's -Swaddling, Side/Stomach Position, Shushing, Swinging, and Sucking.  These are great for baby and help a parent calm a little fuss bucket.  This is great and all, but really the 4th trimester is just as much about the parent's transition as well.

To help myself not only survive but also enjoy this time, I have created what I like to call the 5 G's and a Q.  Here they are in no particular order.

1. Go to Sleep! - It doesn't matter if you have company or it is 5:00 in the evening.  Go to sleep you will not regret it. 
2. Give it up! - Quit worrying about house work or actual work.  It will make you crazy  you cannot do everything at once.  Take out is your friend! 
3. Get a Dang Shower! - Daily or anytime you feel like crying.  This means some days I take 2 and suddenly feel 100% better about my life. 
4. Give In! - Hold that baby all day long if you wanna.  I love this and it will not last forever.  You cannot spoil a new born right?! (I hope this is true or we are in big trouble) 
5. Get Out the House! - It feels good to do normal human things like grocery shop or stop for coffee.  Babies are small and portable. Heck, you don't even have to pack bottles if you nurse.  Grab a diaper and go. 
6. Quiet Time - Get it in even if it is just a "quiet moment"- you always feel better after a little time with the Lord. Just sayin'

I do have to say, that the days I follow these I am a much happier, healthier woman. I also tend to get more stuff done - funny enough.  I need to remember these every day to keep my head on straight.  I DO NOT use this everyday, but I bet my husband wishes I did.